Erotic Sexual Denial

chastity belt

Erotic sexual denial is a practice in which a heightened state of sexual arousal is maintained for an extended length of time without orgasm, and is commonly practiced in association with BDSM and sexual bondage. Erotic sexual denial can be another name for or variant of orgasm control.

Erotic sexual denial is a form of sexual play. One form of erotic sexual denial is the reduction or deprivation of all genital stimulation. To ensure a complete absence of genital stimulation, a chastity device may be used as a physical barrier to genital touch and/or full erection.

‘Tease and denial’ describes a situation where a person’s genitals are stimulated until he/she is close to the point at which orgasm would normally be inevitable. At that point, direct stimulation of the genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to keep the recipient on the very brink or ‘edge’ of orgasm (as with orgasm control) but without the promise of orgasm at the end.

If orgasm still occurs after removal of stimulation, it typically brings less pleasure than usual, and is considered a ‘ruined orgasm,’ as opposed to being a ‘denied orgasm’ (sometimes known as ‘blue balls’). Alternatively (for men), the release of semen during the emission phase of ejaculation might be prevented by some sort of constriction (‘blocked orgasm’). Depending on the relationship, subjects might be repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm several times, but without actual orgasm, causing feelings of intense arousal and psychological need.

To be able to control an orgasm of a partner in such sex games, physical restraints are commonly used. Situations involving bondage are typically called ‘tie and tease’ and can be thought of as extended tease and denial games. This practice is often an integral part of erotic denial. It is notable that in discussions between BDSM partners, negotiation usually focuses on the activities which may or may not be agreed to, rather than the emotions generated by said activities (unless at an unacceptable level). Tie and tease activities are physically as well as psychologically intense, because the strong feelings of sexual frustration are escalated by the sensation of helplessness induced by bondage.

The practice of ‘total sexual denial’ usually includes avoidance of genital stimulation. This may involve the use of a physical barrier or device such as a chastity belt. Chastity belts or similar locking devices are available for both men and women. Depending on the situation, sexual arousal may still be achieved regardless of physical barriers to genital stimulation.

A related practice is that of the deconstructed orgasm, in which stimulation and arousal is conducted at a very slow pace, allowing the ‘stimulator’ to obtain feedback from the ‘stimulatee’ (generally spoken, but conceivably obtained by means of body language or measuring certain bodily responses and functions). Depending upon the accuracy of the feedback, the progress towards eventual release can be judged more accurately than would be the case in an unfettered encounter, allowing the possibility of the orgasm to be delivered (whereupon observations and measurements may be continued) or of stimulation to be withdrawn or decreased in the closing stages, leading to a ruined orgasm.

This practice allows the physical release of sexual climax while denying or minimizing the satisfaction and pleasure associated with orgasm. Stimulation is provided to the moment orgasm is inevitable, and then stopped by breaking all physical contact with the genitals just as orgasm begins (i.e. past the ‘edge’). Non-erotic or nonsexual distractions may also be introduced at this point, which can include undesirable pain or unpleasant smells or discussion of prosaic, unrelated topics.

Constriction, thumbing, palming, dictating, thwacking and other practices are additional ways to reduce, disrupt, or otherwise ‘ruin’ the pleasure of orgasm. Many of these methods can include disruptive physical actions or psychological or emotional trickery. Deception can play a key role in the effectiveness of a ruined orgasm.

For men in particular, ruined orgasms can also contribute to the possibility of continued sexual activity, desire and arousal after ejaculation. A ruined orgasm lacks the satisfying and relaxing feelings present after a normal male orgasm which usually prevent further sexual desire. After a ruined orgasm the man can still feel sexual desire and arousal, and this allows continued enjoyment of sexual stimulation after a very brief recovery period. This is why ruined orgasm allows a man to release seminal fluid and still maintain his sexual arousal afterwards. Furthermore, because the recipient of the stimulation knows or suspects that his orgasm is going to lack certain features that would usually form part of a sexual interaction, and indeed that his orgasm will eventually be ruined, anecdotal evidence is that these frustrations are likely to lead to more cravings for vigorous and/or invasive forms of stimulation to be administered.

When performed on a woman, the effect is similar, but without the ejaculation typical of the male response. The woman experiences orgasmic contractions (though typically less intense than with continued stimulation), but because pleasurable stimulation was disrupted and sexual pleasure significantly reduced, the orgasm is considered ruined, with similar effects of continued sexual desire and arousal afterwards. Because of the relatively short refractory period in most women compared to that of most men, this practice can often be done many times over a short period of time. If the woman is afterward given a ‘full’ orgasm with stimulation continuing into the orgasmic contractions (and gently afterward, depending on the specific woman), the resulting orgasm is generally very powerful and lasts longer than would be typical.

Erotic sexual denial, in various forms, is sometimes associated with creating a state of sexual need leading to a more pliable or agreeable outlook by the denied party. Orgasm denial practices can allow topping partners to exercise control and training over highly intimate and psychologically significant aspects of their bottoming partners’ lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation, and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. Topping partners can use this practice to experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of sexual control and erotic power. Bottoming partners can use this practice to help them experience enjoyable and sometimes intensely craved feelings of erotic submission, sexualised objectification, and erotic loss of control.

Orgasm denial as a means of orgasm control is widely practiced activity within erotic feminization. The top will often deny the bottom (the male bottom) sexual release to maintain his heightened state of sexual arousal, as a means to satisfy his desires for emasculation or erotic humiliation, or as a means to satisfy the top’s own desires to emasculate and erotically humiliate.

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